The joy of interns Oneshot
by Ms.Funbags
Summary: House decides to play with the newbies!


I don't own any of the following characters so don't sue my ass – I don't have any money anyway!

**The Joy of Interns**

"She is your worst nightmare, she's smarter than you, she never eats, never sleeps, reads every medical journal no matter how obscure, she is the anti-Christ, Lucifer, Beilzibub, a devourer of interns, welcome to hell boys and girls"

"HOUSE! What are you doing?" Not for the first time that week, Cuddy had been interrupted by Nurse Brenda chapping on her door – alerting her to the fact House was up to no good. As she clicked across the main foyer the sight of House talking to interns, or anyone, made her instantly suspicious.

"Just greeting the new interns Dr. Cuddy, sir" His voice was quivering, his stare fixed on her shoes – he was acting like a frightened child – was he high, again??

"You decided to be of help? Wonders will never cease – Good Morning, I am Dr. Cuddy, I will show you around then we will have a short meeting to discuss your intentions here" Her warmest smile and friendly gestures were met with what could only be described as looks of terror. Each of the four interns looked like they had just been threatened by a ghost. House on the other hand had assumed his usual self-satisfied smirk standing tall behind the students. "House, how exactly did you greet our new interns?"

"Dr. Cuddy – I simply informed them that you run a tight ship around here and that anyone who doesn't conform is properly...dealt with" The exaggerated wink confirmed Cuddy's suspicions that House had told her innocent, gullible, interns more than enough to frighten and turn them against her.

"House, would you please come into my office – now! I'll be right back"

"Oh, no, I'm so sorry Dr. Cuddy, I didn't mean to do wrong, I'll make it up, Please, Please don't hurt me!" House was practically crying as he followed her to his office, of course looking back to enjoy the effect his theatrics were having on the new kiddies.

"Do you want something or are you just bored?"

"Just bored – spotted the fresh meat on my way in – can I have one?"

"No!"

"Awww...pweease!" He pleaded with puppy-dog eyes

"No way, I am going to have to buy them ice cream to convince them I am not the devil incarnate"

"Sounds like a plan, just send mine up to my office"

"You're not getting an intern"

"I meant the ice cream" With that he swung his cane against the door frame with such force Cuddy nearly jumped out of her skin, he then deposited it in her umbrella bucket before shuffling heavily into the foyer.

"Oh no, House, DON'T DARE!" Too late...

"I'M SORRY Dr. Cuddy, but I can't take any MORE! PLEASE – I'll never mess up again""

"What happened?? Didn't you have a cane??!" The intern looked like someone had just killed their puppy

As House made his way to the lifts he cried out "she says if I behave I can have it back at the end of the day – I wouldn't bet on it though, she usually makes me do without for at least 3". The doors had barely closed when he burst out laughing – the pain in his leg was worth it.

-----------H-----------

House spent the rest of the morning listening to music in his office and playing tetris on his computer – he was starting to get peckish when Cuddy came storming into the room and narrowly missed his head with a cane. "Whoa Cuddles! Who pissed you off?"

"Who always pisses me off? You know what, I get you like to annoy me but turning interns against me and luring them into a false sense of trust with you is something else."

"Oh come on, I was just having some fun, if they're dumb enough to believe me then they need to start boxing clever before they are of use to anyone in this hospital"

"Well I'm glad you are suddenly feeling the urge to share your knowledge – this is a teaching hospital after all"

"And thankfully it's also a hospital with a canteen – and it's lunchtime!" Even when aggravating her he could somehow get round her rage – who could resist?

"Fine – you can buy me a sandwich to make up for your being an ass" With that she turned and clicked confidently from his office, hips swinging, luring him after her.

---------C-----------

"Do you think they realise it was a piss-take yet?" House asked, keeping one eye on the table of newbies who occasionally glared at him over their diet cokes and salads.

"Well judging by their expressions of disgust I'd say yeah, the problem is they still have no idea who you are so I'll introduce you before you can do anything else to terrify them."

That's the last thing he wanted – when people who had never met his realised who he was all he had to listen to was their gushing about how he was so brilliant and how they aspired to be like him, this lasted on average 30 seconds until he opened his mouth. If they didn't know who he was he could be anyone he wanted – victim of Cuddy-torture, escaped psych patient, even regular patient to test their skills. The possibilities were endless. Cuddy spent the next 5 minutes or so getting his opinions on some patients who weren't exactly mysteries but had one or two anomalies that she wanted to run by him.

"Thanks House, I have to get back though – promise you will set things straight with the students, I might want them to visit your department for a day and I don't want to have to land Cameron with mothering them"

As she stood up to leave House shot out of his chair, causing it to crash to the floor and causing the entire canteen to stop eating and stare in their direction

"House – what are yo--"

"I CAN'T KEEP THIS SECRET ANYMORE – I JUST CAN'T LIVE THE LIE!"

"Have you completely lost your min-"

There was a crash knives and forks as the canteen full of people watched the Dean of Medicine bend back and cling onto the shirt of the Head Diagnostician (or random crazy man – so thought the interns) as he kissed her hard and passionately – very old Hollywood. Her hands had grasped fists of his shirt when she thought she was about to go on her ass, of course House had leaned over supporting both their weights on his good leg and leaving her completely vulnerable to him. His lips were firmly over hers as he flicked at her lips with his tongue – rolling his head around for added drama. It seemed to be over in a moment but as soon as Cuddy got back on her feet and glanced round the room everyone had seen the whole thing, turning back to House the sly wink said it all.

He limped out of the canteen with the cheesiest grin he'd ever managed, quickly noting the jaws of the interns firmly on their table, more than satisfied that Cuddy was about to have a very interesting week!

--------HCHCHC--------


End file.
